Caffine

Day 2 of caffine reduction. Haveing read some disturbing facts about how caffine can cause adrenal fatigue, dark under eye circles and depression. I got to thinking about my depression and when it started. It was after I left George that the breakdown really happend.

I have no illusions that I was happy and healthy prior to that, but I think I may have felt more in control. I had never drank coffee and have never really liked soda. The first time I had coffee I drank an entire pot by myself. My bindge eating and drinking of wine happend around that time. The pain in my knees really became a factor around this time too as I had to quit tim hortons the first time.

Given all this and that yesterday I was having a great day, I didn't really want my morning coffee but the power of ritual and the fear of the headaches.. I went ahead and had a cup of coffee. I drank just over half and then everything felt like it went to shit. I was stressed, cranky, unfocused.

Today I have had half a scoup of caffinated coffee and a full scoup of decaff for my morning ritual. I'm exhusted but unstressed and there is no tightness in my chest. Aside from the exhustion I don't feel so bad.