1. Me as I stand now - Inverted Ace of Coins - A lesser gain, a project that will not be realised to its full extent. An obession with money and material things. The complacency and boredom that accompany finacial security.
2. My recent past (last few weeks) - Inverted 13 - Stagnation. being unable to escape an unsatisfactory situation.
3. My immediate future - Five of Coins - Ruin. Poverty and struggle. Perhaps the loss of a job.
4. What I know - 8 Justice - Justice. A fair reward. Truth, Integrity. Honor. Purity.
5. What I don't know - Inverted Knight of Swords - A man too keen to rush in without thinking the matter through. A bigot. Someone who will not consider the views of others.
Optional Card
6. What (good) news is on its way. - The essence of the suit. Love and happiness overflowing. The beginning of a true love. The true heart. Abundane of happyness. A very fortunate card to draw.
Saturday, 26 November 2011
Tuesday, 22 November 2011
Caffine
Day 2 of caffine reduction. Haveing read some disturbing facts about how caffine can cause adrenal fatigue, dark under eye circles and depression. I got to thinking about my depression and when it started. It was after I left George that the breakdown really happend.
I have no illusions that I was happy and healthy prior to that, but I think I may have felt more in control. I had never drank coffee and have never really liked soda. The first time I had coffee I drank an entire pot by myself. My bindge eating and drinking of wine happend around that time. The pain in my knees really became a factor around this time too as I had to quit tim hortons the first time.
Given all this and that yesterday I was having a great day, I didn't really want my morning coffee but the power of ritual and the fear of the headaches.. I went ahead and had a cup of coffee. I drank just over half and then everything felt like it went to shit. I was stressed, cranky, unfocused.
Today I have had half a scoup of caffinated coffee and a full scoup of decaff for my morning ritual. I'm exhusted but unstressed and there is no tightness in my chest. Aside from the exhustion I don't feel so bad.
I have no illusions that I was happy and healthy prior to that, but I think I may have felt more in control. I had never drank coffee and have never really liked soda. The first time I had coffee I drank an entire pot by myself. My bindge eating and drinking of wine happend around that time. The pain in my knees really became a factor around this time too as I had to quit tim hortons the first time.
Given all this and that yesterday I was having a great day, I didn't really want my morning coffee but the power of ritual and the fear of the headaches.. I went ahead and had a cup of coffee. I drank just over half and then everything felt like it went to shit. I was stressed, cranky, unfocused.
Today I have had half a scoup of caffinated coffee and a full scoup of decaff for my morning ritual. I'm exhusted but unstressed and there is no tightness in my chest. Aside from the exhustion I don't feel so bad.
Saturday, 19 November 2011
So I've been doing Tarot readings for myself for the past 2 months, I often don't record them but I think maybe I should.. so here goes..
The Crow: The crow sees your immediate past, where you are now and your immediate future. Its wings show outside influences one that you know and one that you are not aware off but is present.
1: Me as I stand now -- 4 of coins - Advarice. Material sucesss tainted with greed.
2: My recent past (last few weeks) -- 14 Temperance - Balance. Harmony. A life with all the necessary inggredients in the right mix.
3: My immediate future -- King of Cups (inverted) - Someone who's talents are washed out by his/her emotional excesses. she/he could be great but dwells incessantly on her/his emotions.
4: What I know -- The Fool -- A radical new course in life.
5: What I don't know -- Nine of Cups (inverted) -- You could have all that you desire but may lose it by your own actions.
6: What (good) news is on its way. -- Seven of Coins -- A Fortunate finacial gain. A windfall. Money without work.
--
Going into this reading I've become a little frustrated with my fincaial and romantic situation. Mainly that I can't afford to go out with people and drink or eat at restaunts as often as I would like and often have no food at home. Or that I can't afford to buy nice clothes. I have also been upset that I can't find a relationship beyond what I have with M*. Although I'm often conflicted that I have everything that I need and feel like it should be enough to satisfy me and for the last couple of weeks M* has been all I felt I needed.
I've known that I need a change in order to improve things. I've known that for awhile, but I can't' figure out what it might be. I've been working very hard on my art and at learning perspective so that I can use that to make money.
What the King of Cups, and the Nine of Cups seems to be worning me away from seeking emotional support, and from dwelling on my obessive need on finding a man to love me, ect ect. If I keep at what I am soppose to, perhaps I can actually achieve the freedom I want through my art.
Alternatly I could have the love I want, but by sucumbing to my emotional excesses I could loose it...
Lots to think about here.
The Crow: The crow sees your immediate past, where you are now and your immediate future. Its wings show outside influences one that you know and one that you are not aware off but is present.
1: Me as I stand now -- 4 of coins - Advarice. Material sucesss tainted with greed.
2: My recent past (last few weeks) -- 14 Temperance - Balance. Harmony. A life with all the necessary inggredients in the right mix.
3: My immediate future -- King of Cups (inverted) - Someone who's talents are washed out by his/her emotional excesses. she/he could be great but dwells incessantly on her/his emotions.
4: What I know -- The Fool -- A radical new course in life.
5: What I don't know -- Nine of Cups (inverted) -- You could have all that you desire but may lose it by your own actions.
6: What (good) news is on its way. -- Seven of Coins -- A Fortunate finacial gain. A windfall. Money without work.
--
Going into this reading I've become a little frustrated with my fincaial and romantic situation. Mainly that I can't afford to go out with people and drink or eat at restaunts as often as I would like and often have no food at home. Or that I can't afford to buy nice clothes. I have also been upset that I can't find a relationship beyond what I have with M*. Although I'm often conflicted that I have everything that I need and feel like it should be enough to satisfy me and for the last couple of weeks M* has been all I felt I needed.
I've known that I need a change in order to improve things. I've known that for awhile, but I can't' figure out what it might be. I've been working very hard on my art and at learning perspective so that I can use that to make money.
What the King of Cups, and the Nine of Cups seems to be worning me away from seeking emotional support, and from dwelling on my obessive need on finding a man to love me, ect ect. If I keep at what I am soppose to, perhaps I can actually achieve the freedom I want through my art.
Alternatly I could have the love I want, but by sucumbing to my emotional excesses I could loose it...
Lots to think about here.
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