surrender yourself

The facts;

I'm 31 years old, I live in a room not much bigger then the pantry I grew up in and hated, I work at a minimum wage job that barely pays the bills and I have no real education. I have no boyfriend and no kids. An no real oppertunties for anything else.

Sound depressing doesn't it? It is when you concider it from this cultures materialistic procreative society. But...you know..it's not. Not really.  I have all the things that matter to me...and  I am happy.

I have a library card, and access to all the books on art, design..and stories I could want. I can sit for hours looking at pictures or come home and curl up with a story. I value knowledge and information.

The tiny room I live in has a balcony and lots of natural light. Allowing me to enjoy the sun, wind and rain in comfort and to some mesure of privacy. I can grow plants..and I value green growing things and natural light.

My dead end min wage job pays me enough to keep a roof over my head and food in my belly. I don't have a lot of money for extra's but I manage if I shop right and take care of the things that I have. It allows me to have free time and I've met and contiune to meet some really interesting people. There is stress, but it's not a lingering stress and it's physical enough that I feel good..rather then sitting at a desk or answering a phone.  I value the free time to be creative, lack of stress, and the demands of physical activity.

When you do what you are ment to do, and what brings you and the child within pleasure, the rest will happen if and as it is  ment to. The words that come to my mind as a TRUTH is  'surrender yourself onto god'. It's a full and complete surrender. It's a hard place to get to.. and when you forget sometimes and grasp at THINGS and not stop to listen.. HE will knock you down and batter you around until you surrender again, and stop and listen. The universe is not gentle..it doesn't make it's blows gentle by any means..

So you can rage and shake your fist...but you can't change it. So surrender to it..and experince the love and pleasure of the things you value..rather then what you think you need.